


Fly Me to the Moon and Let Me Play Among the Stars

by mage_989



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial of Feelings, Hiding Medical Issues, Hurt/Comfort, McSpirk Holiday Fest, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-13 23:44:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7990654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mage_989/pseuds/mage_989
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim, Spock, McCoy are developing feelings for each other after defeating Krall and heading back out into the black.  They are also determined to do nothing about them for various reasons, from stubbornness, to being illogical, to one's impending death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A fill for the Mcspirkholidayfest of Thedenofcaseywolfe’s prompt of “why is it taking us this long to realize we’re in love with each other?” type scenario based on the new film Beyond. Sorry for not getting it all up in one go, but this thing, like most of my fics, turned into a multi chapter monster.
> 
> It’s also combined with an idea I’ve seen and loved that since Jim died in Into Darkness and Spock was critically injured in Beyond it stands to reason that McCoy will be the one getting whumped in the next film and I’m not waiting around another three years or more to see if we get that. Onwards!

The adrenaline rush of defeating Krall was, for Jim, sorely short lived. As soon as they got the alien ship on solid ground McCoy dragged him and Spock to the nearest medical facility. 

“Bones, I’m fine-”

“The hell you are, Jim. You’ve been backpacking around an uncharted planet being exposed to god knows what. You skipped your check up when we first arrived here, and who knows what the hell you’ve picked up just now fighting a vampire!”

“Doctor, Krall had little resemblance to those creatures from your ancient folklore and therefore-”

“Oh, don’t you even start! I’ve been holding you together with the medical equivalent of stone knives and bear skins! And you’ve probably ripped everything open again, trying to play hero, and dragging us off to shoot up everything in space!”

Jim and Spock exchanged glances as McCoy yelled at a passing nurse and was swiftly directed to the first empty exam room.

McCoy got Jim under a scanner first, because he knew if he left Jim to his own devices he’d run off convinced he really was fine to deal with the crew or command or some other bullshit and then get dragged back to him with broken bones while still insisting he was fine.

Jim stuck around once he had been deemed to be not on death’s doorstep, and McCoy left out a sigh of relief when he finally was able to examine and treat Spock with equipment that wasn’t from the Dark Ages.

Thankfully the equipment on the Franklin had done with he hoped it would and controlled most of the internal bleeding. He was able the close off the rest of the injury and then he pumped Spock full of immune boosters, blood boosters, and an anti-nausea hypo for good measure. McCoy knew a lot of medication didn’t agree with Spock’s stomach and the last thing Spock needed after being so vulnerable the last few days was to toss his cookies all over someone. 

“Thank you, Doctor McCoy.”

“You’re welcome.”

“All right, Spock, let’s go check on the crew.”

“Of course, Jim.”

McCoy winced as he watched them go, a small part of himself suddenly wishing that Spock would have called him Leonard again.

There was little time to dwell on that ridiculous flight of fancy as other patients were soon brought in. There were no major injuries, but the amount of people was daunting. Combined with the struggles of helping Spock with basically no equipent and saving the universe _again_ McCoy was quickly exhausted and escaped to the break room as soon as it was safe to do so. 

He sat down in the comfiest chair he could find and had just closed his eyes when he heard someone else come in and stand close to his chair. 

“Unless you want to know how to work the coffeemaker I’m in no mood for small talk.”

“You treat all your colleagues like that or am I just special?”

McCoy’s eyes flew open as he recognized that voice.

For the next several seconds he just stared at her with his jaw on the floor. It couldn’t be, she wasn’t supposed to be finished on Cerberus for another six months at least. Yet he knew those tight ringlets of brown hair, bright blue eyes, and that wide beautiful smile.

“I finished my program early and got in three days ago. I wanted to surprise you for shore leave,” she shrugged helplessly, “surprise.”

Ignoring their stained clothes he shot out of the chair and hugged her tight. “Joanna.”

“I’ve missed you too, Dad,” she said, and she returned the hug just as tightly.

After a moment McCoy stepped back to admire the blue uniform she wore.

“Look at you.”

“Look at you,” she said, running her fingers lightly over the cut above his eye. “Has anyone checked you?”

McCoy brushed off her concern. “Simple triage, Darlin’, bumps and scraps are way below busted organs and crushed bone.” 

“That’s a fancy way of saying no.”

She pulled out her tricorder began running it over him.

“Joanna-”

“Don’t even try, Dad, or I’ll lodge a complaint with Uncle Jim that you’re resisting treatment.”

McCoy rolled his eyes, but sat down back down and let her finish. “Yes, Doctor McCoy.”

“Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”


	2. Chapter 2

The building and launching of the Enterprise A was swift. Old crew members were ready and new crew members signed on in earnest. McCoy, though grumbling and complaining all the while, went back to duty and it had nothing to do with the fact that Jim looked damn good in that new green uniform shirt the fleet just released thank you very much. 

So McCoy met with Joanna for what should have been a simple physical for returning to active duty, until it wasn’t.

Joanna came up to him, her knuckles white from gripping her PADD and she couldn’t even find the words to say it. She just thrust the results into his hands and sobbed.

“Xenopolycythemia.”

McCoy muttered the word for himself more than anything. As if saying it would somehow make the results on the screen more real. The fact that he wasn’t showing outward symptoms yet meant they had caught it early which meant there were options. There had been a lot of progress in recent years for slowing the disease down, but slowing was not stopping and he knew he had two more years maximum if he was lucky.

Joanna dried her eyes.

“I’ll come with you,” she announced.

McCoy shook his head. His team was already set up with coverage for each shift. At Yorktown Joanna would have real authority within the medical community. If she came on the Enterprise she would have to accept a reduced role. She would be a nurse at best not a doctor. It was a position she had rightfully earned, and remarkable too at such an early age, he would not let her squander it.

“Joanna, you don’t-”

“I want to. We’ve missed enough time together, Dad, I won’t miss anymore. “ 

“I don’t want you to stall your own life for mine.”

“I’m not. You know the frontier is where the best of medicine happens. I’ll be on the cutting edge of developments, and who knows maybe I can even find something for you.”

“Don’t, Joanna, don’t give me false hope like that.” 

“Hey, you figured out how to do a c—section on a species you'd just encountered and saved the mother and all her children. If we’re going to find anything more to help you it’s going to be out there. “

McCoy stared at her for a long moment and then acquiesced. 

“All right.”

***

Sickbay was set up in short order, though the new layout was going to take some getting used to. McCoy stepped out the door and sighed, only to nearly fall over when Jim slapped him on the shoulder.

"Don’t look so down in the dumps, Bones! It’s going to be so much fun!”

With that he strode down the hall, his brand new chess set tucked under his arm.

McCoy watched him go and Christine Chapel came over to him. She knew about his diagnosis even though it hadn’t been made official in the records. Jim had already lost enough people in his life and McCoy wasn’t about to reveal that he was going to add to the list until he absolutely had to. His staff had to be made aware of his condition though in case anything happened while on shift.

Her eyes were glassy as she reached over and squeezed his shoulder.

“A lot can happen in two years, please give yourself every minute.”

McCoy took those words to heart and threw himself into life on the ship. He went down to every away mission he could, under the guise of keeping Jim’s reckless ass in one piece of course. There he would drink in the landscape, the wildlife, the flora, after making sure they weren’t poisonous of course. 

That was his first mistake.

Not only did he get to see the crew discovering new things he got to see Jim do it. McCoy got to see the way his eyes lit up when they touched down in a new world. The way he rushed all over everything whether it was safe or not like an eight year old on a sugar high, with McCoy grumbling all the way. And seeing Jim lose his shirt on multiple occasions didn’t hurt either. 

McCoy filled his off time too. Not just with Joanna, but with every one of the crew. When Sulu announced he was starting a fencing club McCoy was the first to sign up. He sat in on Chekov’s book club even though he rolled his eyes whenever Chekov declared that every great story was invented in Russia. When Kevin Riley declared Fridays to be ice cream day McCoy was there to vote for every flavour. He took up the guitar in Uhura’s music group even though he had never even looked at a sheet of music before in his life.

That was his second mistake. 

Spock was in the music group as well. He brought his Vulcan lyre and unlike McCoy he clearly had had years of practice with the instrument. He sat next to McCoy though and was perfectly willing to offer advice whether it was welcomed or not. 

As their sessions went on McCoy started to admire the way Spock’s long fingers worked the strings of the lyre. The way his eyes would close half-way as he concentrated. McCoy often got so distracted he lost place, until Uhura would nudge him gently and tell him to get back on the beat. Then Uhura and Janice Rand would exchange knowing smiles.

McCoy was a man in love.


	3. Chapter 3

“Jim.”

Spock got no response.

“Jim.”

Still nothing.

“Captain.”

“Hmm?”

“Your move.”

“Sorry, Spock,” Jim said and sat up straighter in his chair. “I was thinking about something else.”

“That is quite obvious.” 

Jim smirked as he moved his chess piece swiftly to the top level and sat back again.

“Your move, Spock.”

As Spock leaned in to continue the game Jim took the opportunity to admire him. The way his hands gripped the pieces; the ever so slight furrow of his brow as he contemplated each move.

The game moved swiftly along with Jim at least focused on something in the room now if not totally the game and he came out victorious.

“Thank you, Jim,” Spock said as they reset the board for next time.

“My pleasure, Spock.”

Spock took his leave and as the door to his quarters swished closed Jim went back to what he had been thinking about earlier, Bones. 

He couldn’t say when Bones had started to be more than a friend in Jim’s eyes. He had simply integrated himself so thoroughly in Jim’s life, since the day they’d disembarked that fateful shuttle and Jim had promptly thrown up Bone’s shoes and he insisted on dragging him to the clinic to be checked over, that Jim couldn’t imagine his world without him. Even now with sparring matches with several crew members, going over the ship with Scotty, and chess games with Spock Bones remained a steady constant. When diplomacy wasn’t going as it should Bones was still the one he went to. They often shared their meals together, especially when shifts ran longer than they should and Bones would nag him about his daily calorie intake. Jim never thought to ask why Bones had switched out their usual liquor or coffee with health shakes and other things with nutrients in them as the last few months rolled by, figuring it was his sneaky way of trying to get Jim to like broccoli. Jim amused him for the most part as the protein smoothies actually tasted good. Though he ranted for days when Bones brought out the green leaves for dinner. Rand insisted on keeping it going though for the whole week until Jim was ready to mutiny against himself, when Bones suddenly surprised him with dinner that night with burgers, fries and a milkshake made with real cream and everything!

Bones was clearly getting soft in his old age and Jim found that he liked that.

An outsider might wonder if Jim was struggling with the idea of who to approach with his romantic feelings Spock or Bones, but no Jim knew exactly what he was going to do about his newly discovered feelings for his two best friends: ignore them until they went away.

It was logical as Spock would say. He was the captain he had to put his people above his own wants and needs. For Jim occasional flirting was fine. A date or two with someone on shore leave when they both knew they would never see each other again, not a problem. An actual relationship? No way. He would never want something causal with Spock or Bones or both if the two of them stopped arguing with each other long enough to actually enjoy their time together. 

Really just look at how distracted he was during a simple chess match. He couldn’t have that as their commanding officer. There were no regulations against romance, but Jim had seen enough relationships come and go during his time on the Enterprise to know that the aftermath could be messy, that the feelings themselves could cause people to do and say stupid things even when the relationship was wonderful. Tying all that up with the pressure of command and duty? It was a recipe for disaster; far better to indulge in fantasies than try to make any of that a reality. 

It might be lonely sometimes, but a little distance from the crew was necessary. It was his burden to bear for sitting in that chair.

***

Meanwhile in the cabin next door Spock settled on his meditation mat. He lit the needed lamps and began to breathe slowly, deeply, and concentrated on thoughts strikingly similar to Jim’s. Though first they took the form of one he thought of so often now.

_“There are so few Vulcans left, we cannot afford to ignore each other.”_

_“Then why did you send Kirk aboard when you alone could have explained the truth?”_

_“Because you needed each other. I could not deprive you of the revelation of all that you could accomplish together, of a friendship that will define you both in ways you cannot yet realize.”_

Indeed Spock had not understood those words then, but now he did. Of just how much Jim would challenge him in the years since. Of just how much he would come to need and trust his captain. He couldn’t say for sure when a desire for Jim had manifested itself. During his time with Nyota any feelings for Jim could be analyzed as deep friendship and left there. Now that they had decided to no longer pursue a romantic relationship Spock was free to explore those feelings more fully and find that whenever it had happened he truly cared for Jim as more than just a friend. It was likely an outgrowth of their years as a strong command team. 

His desire of Doctor McCoy had completely blindsided him however. The man was an emotional powder keg and yet to see him being so involved with his daughter and learning something new in their music group was quite endearing. He wasn’t the only one going through this though. Nyota’s interest in a certain Scottish engineer and his, dubious, appreciation for the bagpipes had not gone unnoticed by Spock either. Especially as his Vulcan ears had caught the beginnings of Mr. Scott asking Nyota to the next ice cream social and film night as he’d left the club meeting the night before.

Spock on the other hand was not so certain he was ready to try again, especially considering his attraction seemed evenly split between two men this time. Trying to balance a relationship with one human had proven too much, but now to try with two? Impossible, besides there were other things to consider.

Getting up from the mat Spock blew out the lamps and sat down on his bed. Removing the familiar picture from his pocket he traced his finger lightly over the image. He always kept it on his person, should anything happen to the ship again he did not wish to be without it. The reason his counterpart had carried this with him was obvious and it was the final push to make Spock realize that the Enterprise was where he belonged. He was home here. He knew he truly had a family here, and yet Spock also knew that he still desired something more.

At first he had seen it as necessary for the Vulcan race. To in the good doctor’s words “make little Vulcans.” While time had quelled that initial impulse to simply drop everything and run off to New Vulcan to do what he believed was his duty now that he could no longer be in two places at once Spock had been surprised to find that his desire for children remained even as he adjusted back to life on the Enterprise and the universe continued to move forward. That only made him more determined to suppress his growing feelings as Jim seemed quite removed from the idea of parenthood and Doctor McCoy had already raised a daughter. It was, as the term went, a deal breaker in a relationship. He wanted something that they did not, so why bother pursuing something that clearly had no future anyway?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I have finally managed to get this conversation between the three guys into something that works hooray!

McCoy lay on the biobed and craned his neck to look up at the display.

“Dad, you keep staring at those numbers and I’m gonna start thinking you don’t trust me.”

“Sorry, Jo, force of habit.”

“I know, doctors make the worst patients and you are doing the profession proud.” 

McCoy frowned and sat up.

“So how do things look?”

“Good actually, the Ditroxx injections seem to be helping.”

“Yeah, but they’re making the vertigo worse.”

“I’ll lower the dosage. Anything else?”

“No, you were there for the epic nosebleed two days ago.”

“Yes, you can stand to lower your stress a little. It might be time to start limiting away missions if you keep spiking your blood pressure.”

“Hey, no one knew going in that that planet was run by a mob boss.” 

Joanna smiled. “And you did look very dapper in that suit.”

“Besides I’m doing plenty to relax. Uhura’s music group is really taking off. You should come by some time and listen.”

“And have to suffer through you ogling Spock like the freshmen ogled the professor in my first year anatomy course? No thanks.”

McCoy’s eyes narrowed. “I am not ogling Spock.”

“Or maybe you think I should join you on the next away mission while you hope that our illustrious captain walks around sans shirt. No, I’m not spoiling that lovefest either.”

McCoy scowled and stood up. “I’m leaving.”

“I’ll see you at dinner!” Joanna called after him as McCoy stormed out of the room.

***

Jim sat in front the computer in his quarters. On the screen were his brother Sam, his wife Aurlean, and a small bundle they had named Peter.

Jim was in shock. Sam was a father. He was an uncle, what the hell had happened to the universe!?

“Jim, aren’t you going to say something?” Aurlean, asked.

“I-wow.”

Sam chuckled. “Well at least you said something.”

“Guess I never thought of you a as family guy when you were hitch hiking down the road.”

Jim knew it was a low blow the minute it left his mouth. His stupid stunt with their dad’s car wasn’t the last time they had seen each other. There had been the occasional comm calls, a letter from Tarsus 4, a wedding invitation he hadn’t responded to things had changed since then, but this just seemed so…wrong.

Sam frowned. “That was a long time ago.”

“Doesn’t seem like it.”

Sam sighed and put a hand on Aurlean’s shoulder.

“Can you give us a minute?”

“Of course.”

She left and Jim glanced down sheepishly at his hands folded in his lap.

“I’m sorry, Sam, I didn’t mean to be insulting it’s just…weird.”

“Just as weird to see you in a captain’s uniform even after all this time. I like the green by the way it looks good on you.”

“Thanks.” 

Sam sat back in his chair and took a moment to collect his thoughts. “I know what you mean though. We haven’t kept in touch like we should have and a lot of that is my fault. You’re right me leaving like that was stupid and not fair to you. I was angry and took things out on you and that was wrong. I’m sorry and I know that doesn’t fix anything, but I’d still like to try. I’ve spent a lot of time getting myself in order and now I’d like to get our relationship in order if you’ll let me. I want Peter to have a real family. I want us to have a real bond again.”

Jim sat back in his seat too, childhood memories pressing back against what Sam was offering.

“I don’t know if I want that,” he said bluntly.

“I know and I don’t mean it to sound like I’m pressuring you. I really just wanted you to know where I stand and if you want more too we’re here with open arms.”

Sam leaned in close to the screen.

“No matter what happened in the past. We’re allowed to be happy, Jimmy.”

***

The rest of the conversation was stiff and awkward, but Jim did agree to talk again the following week. In a way Jim knew he should be thrilled. It had been the biggest dream of his younger self that Sam would come home one day. Now at long last he had, but he wasn’t the same. Sam talked about his job and his new family like he was just a regular guy. Jim just couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea that Sam had moved on. Sure Jim was a captain now, but he still considered so many things from his youth a part of him. Jim was still pondering it when Spock sat down next to him for lunch.

Jim spent more time poking at his food than eating it and it didn’t escape Spock’s notice.

“Are you all right, Jim? You appear distracted.”

“My brother commed me.”

“Is anything wrong?”

“No, he and his wife wanted to show me their new baby.”

“Then I offer you my congratulations.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

Spock furrowed his brows at Jim’s lack of enthusiasm. “Jim, I do not understand. Should you not be happy for this addition to your family?” 

“Men like us don’t have families,” Jim mumbled to the table.

“Gee thanks, Jim, I’ll be sure to let Jo, know you said that.” 

Jim and Spock turned around as McCoy came up to them.

“Sorry, Bones I just-” Jim started to say and then became distracted by his tray. “Man, Bones, when are you going to get off this green leaves and veggie cocktail kick?”

“So long as it bothers you so much? Never.”

Jim still moved over and McCoy sat down.

“So what brought this topic of conversation up?” he asked, as he dug into his salad.

“I’ve become an uncle.”

McCoy smiled. “Well congrats, Jim, if you want any suggestions on sending Sam and Aurlean a gift let me know.”

Jim slapped his hand on the table in frustration.

“Why is everyone happy about this!?”

Spock raised an eyebrow.

“I fail to see why the birth of a new life would not be a joyous occasion.”

Now it was McCoy’s turn to raise his eyebrow. “Joyous? You, Spock?”

“Among Vulcans all life is sacred. Especially now.”

McCoy ate more of his salad and let the moment settle.

“Now far be it for me to agree with our green-bloodied colleague, but why does this bother you so much, Jim?”

“I don’t know it just…changes things I guess. To me Sam has always been a rebel and I followed in his footsteps. I just thought it would always be like that.”

“You always thought you’d be 21, Jim?”

“Well no, but…”

But he did in a way didn’t he? Even though he had authority now, had responsibility now, a lot of that rebel attitude remained. Hell rescuing his crew and saving Yorktown had involved a motorcycle and blasting heavy base music! And through all that he had reaffirmed himself to the idea that this was where he wanted to be, needed to be. That the thrill of the day in being a captain out on the frontiers of space would always be there. He didn’t want to think about a time when it would be over and this had kind of shoved it right in his face. That people grew up, moved on, had children. That children grew older. That he would one day be old. He didn’t like thinking about that.

“It’s just that I have my career to focus on and our mission and I don’t need these kinds of things getting in the way of that. Personal is personal and professional is professional right, Spock?”

“Actually I have been giving much thought to me personal life as of late.”

Jim dropped his fork. “Really?”

“Indeed, in light of recent events I have found it necessary to focus on my own goals for the future.”

McCoy raised his eyebrows. He knew that Spock had wanted to leave the fleet before Altamid. He had never mentioned it to Jim but if he was still thinking about it that concerned him.

“Care to elaborate?” he asked.

“You need not be concerned, Doctor. My work on the Enterprise is perfectly adequate. I have simply found a desire for stretching in other areas.”

“Seeing someone new?” McCoy asked with a grin.

“No.”

“Well that’s a shame, but if you’re looking Jim here is free.”

McCoy had seen the way they had become so in sync. That potential to be something new bubbling just below the surface, even if the two knuckleheads seemed determined to deny it.

Which Jim seemed entirely prepared to do as he replied, “oh no don’t drag me into this! I just said I like things separate.”

Spock was perfectly ready to agree to Jim’s request. He had already made up his mind about a potential relationship there and Jim’s apparent revulsion at merely becoming an uncle was doing nothing to change it.

“That can easily be arranged considering you seem to covet immaturity.”

“Hey!”

“Spock does have a point since your brother having his own family seems to be driving you to distraction, Jim.”

“I’ve already got a significant other to worry about her name’s the Enterprise. Besides, Spock, you want someone responsible Bones is free and his kid already sleeps through the night. It’s the pinnacle of maturity in a can.”

“Jim, I did not say that-” Spock began, but McCoy interrupted him.

“What so just because I’m the only parent here I’m not allowed anything more, because my kid is grown?”

“Do you desire more than that, Doctor McCoy?” Spock asked, wondering if his initial assumption that McCoy would not want more children deserved some revaluation.

“Maybe I did once,” before the divorce had slammed that door closed and the Xenopolycythemia had firmly locked it, “and why are you even asking about it anyways? What does any of our personal lives have to do with yours?”

Spock had no immediate answer and they all took turns glancing awkwardly at the table in the wake of having probe too deeply into something they had all been trying to leave alone. 

“Are we discussing what I think we’re discussing?” Jim asked.

The three of them sat there in silence for a while as McCoy’s gut clenched in fear. He cared for his friends he knew that about himself, but he never expected to have to deal with it face to face. Joanna could tease, but they weren’t supposed to reciprocate.

This conversation was all about personal lives, plans, and building futures. They were talking about things he didn’t allow himself to indulge in anymore.

“No,” McCoy finally answered, abruptly standing up.

“Bones, wait!”

He didn’t wait. He fled the room as fast as his legs would carry him. He couldn’t make promises to Jim and Spock that he had no way of keeping. They were young. They had all the time in the world to be together and he wasn’t going to ruin that. It was better this way.


End file.
